Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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