wanna go halves on a baby?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
