It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize