"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
