Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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