So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
