you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
