I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
