I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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