I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
