im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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