ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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