she is the kim kardashian of front butts
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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