PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
