Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
