if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
