cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
