He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
