I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
