I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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