two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
