My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
