my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
