Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
