I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
