6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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