TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
