dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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