When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
