I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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