she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize