Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
