Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
