Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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