I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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