I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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