Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
