so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize