Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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