I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
