dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
