I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
