I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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