Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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