I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is the high leading the old right now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
