You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
