I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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