I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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