apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
