You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize