I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
