Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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