Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
