My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
