Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
