I love having hate sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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