Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
