hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
