We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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