Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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