break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Where is the hickey?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
