Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
