No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
