this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
