New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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