im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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