This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you're hired as official boob wrangler
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
