I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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