But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
