I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
