New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Randomize
