Whod you bang
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
