i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
