Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
