super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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