he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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