Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
