Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is Oprah even human
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
