it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize