Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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