I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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