I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want nice things and good sex
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
