So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
