never play flip cup with pint glasses
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He shit in the fireplace
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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