The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
