I want to walk on stilts...naked
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
