when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
