Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
