I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
