I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
