so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
