Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
