I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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