What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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